Experiment: Smile More and Be Happier

The smile is one of the most powerful assets any person has at his/her disposal.  The science behind this simple action is simply astonishing.  This post is about how I trained myself to make use of the smile – to make new friends as well as be happier and more confident.

This experiment comes from long before I ever launched this blog.  It is perhaps the strangest and most successful experiment to date.  When I moved from my home in the quiet Midwest to go to school in Southern California I sometimes felt completely overwhelmed by the social tidal wave that is SoCal/Hollywood culture.  With movie stars abound and everyone trying desperately to be noticed, I ended up spending my first two years contenting myself in stepping away from the limelight.

I could not understand how my peers made it look so easy.  I was a self-professed nerd and shy-guy in a world where assertiveness has become a virtue.  I stumbled on some research that showed that the physical act of smiling (even when fake) can actually make you feel more happy, and another bit that showed that the smile is contagious.  Suddenly it hit me: it all starts with being a good faker (they don’t call Hollywood “tinseltown” for nothing).  Of course, I had no desire to become “fake” person; the challenge was to learn to smile and mean it.

So I designed what was one of my first experiments on myself:

When walking to class, I took out my iPod earbuds and smiled at everybody.  Yong, old, man, woman, attractive, ugly — everybody!  I watched their reactions in order to learn to interpret them.

If you repeat this experiment on your own you will without a doubt feel silly doing it.  I know I did.  You’ll probably even laugh at the pictures below – good!.  The simple truth though is that it works.  Learning how to smile was one of the best things I ever did.  I remember a few months ago a new acquaintance whom I met on the road told me that I was one of the most expressive people she had ever seen, and she felt she could have a conversation with me from across the room without words.  This is the sort of rapport-building a proper smile can generate.  Contrast that with my teenage years when people said that I wore a single expression (serious) all the time.

According to researcher Paul Ekman (best known as the real-life basis for the human-lie-detector Cal Lightman on the TV show Lie to Me) there are 18 types of smiles and only one of them is genuine.  This may be true, but smiles need to be adapted to different situations.  I quickly discovered that you cannot go around showing off your biggest ear-to-ear grin to everybody unless you want to be locked up in the loony bin.

The hardest part of all is making a smile seem genuine.  We can all spot a fake smile from a mile away (and even the images below are far from my, ahem, “best work”).  While the mouth and lips may be where we traditionally think to consciously look, the truth is that the “quality” of the smile is largely judged by how it effects our eyes.  Notice how in novels authors describe intricately the glint in a person’s eye and the wrinkles that occur around them (even more so than the lips) when painting a verbal picture of a smile.

The Results

What I learned from this experiment is that each smile is different and that knowing the right smile for the right situation is a valuable tool.  Furthermore, the confidence I acquired in doing this experiment has translated to the rest of my life.  Performing this experiment required that I make eye contact with many strangers, which was itself a valuable experience.

The process of watching a person’s reaction taught me not only which smile to use but how to quickly size up a person.  If you understand a person’s sense of humor you will be able to build rapport much more quickly.  Some people, for example, may be turned off by a loud person who over-uses the “shit eating grin” (it can come across as boorish and attention seeking) but respond favorably to the well-timed use of the “rakish smile.”

These days, I’m always trying to smile more (using the right smile)!  I am, without a doubt, a happier person – in no small part due to this experiment.

The “Knowing Grin” or “Inside Joke”

This one looks like you’re trying to hold a smile back but it is creeping out anyway.  The edges of the lips turn up but no teeth are shown.  I frequently employ this in situations where I am using self-deprecating humor.

The “Rakish Smile”

This one is extremely hard to catch on film – it is intended to be a small and private communication between two people.  I would not call it flirtatious, but rather a shared joke… like a secret meant for just the two people.  It happens out of the corner of the eye from across the room and lasts only until both people lock eyes just before the point of discomfort – then continue on as if nothing had happened.

The “Smirk”

Sometimes a full smile is not appropriate.  Or sometimes you genuinely want to show a somewhat contemptuous sort of humor for something.  It is very similar to the Knowing Grin except one (or both) sides of the mouth actually turn down, which lends to a slightly compromised sense of pleasure.  Others will still feel that you are enjoying yourself, but in a rather bemused sort of way rather than over-joyously happy.

The “Full Monty” or “Shit-Eating Grin”

Are those  molars?  The shit-eating grin is what my friends and I used to call it when someone was just way too happy.  The mouth might open and the eyes will certainly crinkle.  This one is reserved for special situations.

The “All-Purpose”

Everybody needs a good smile for the camera.  Actors practice it and so can you.

The “Good Joke”

I do not believe this one can be faked, and it is even harder to capture on film.  It is the “shit eating grin” but accompanied by the sort of laugh that is so compulsive and spontaneous that it defies any attempt to control.  Your whole body goes into the action, not just your face, and your head tilts back to let everything out.  When someone sees and hears this smile they know in a heartbeat that something was truly funny to you.

Tags: confidence, experiment, happiness, health, lifehack, mindhack, results

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